10 Signs She's Just Using You

By Kaycee Aguocha

Have you ever found it unusually sad that every time you get a new boyfriend or girlfriend, it is always a good idea to step back for a bit and ask yourself one of the easiest questions there is:  "Am I ready for relationship or is this just a fling? Then if the latter is true. Am I in this for the right reasons?"

More often than not, you may be correct...but if you've become too blinded by a love that is going nowhere, it's easy to miss the big red flags that you have only become another means to an end.

Be if a means for sex, money, a job, contracts, or promotion, assignment and Good dregs in school. Chances are that your new boyfriend or girlfriend as the case maybe is using you for something other than fun & friendship.

I don’t know how true this is but many women these days, especially here in Kenya don’t want to settle down with a man, they rather do an exclusive review for a while then comes what may… the circle continues… on and on

As most men don’t need any “girl…friends” either. After all, what man wants to just “hang out” with a beautiful woman?

That’s what his boys are for. It’s totally possible for men and women to be platonic friends? My very late great grandfather himself will not agree on that expression,  but that’s not normally how it starts.

A man is normally attracted to a woman, he asks her out, and they spend time together. But then somewhere along the line, he falls into the dreaded short end of a loose– and he has no idea that he’s somewhere between oblivion and nowhere but to be used and dropped like a bad news when the time comes. There. He’s not sure if she’s playing hard to get, or if he’s been hoodwinked – and while he’s trying to figure it all out, the woman knows exactly what she’s doing. If you’re not sure if you’re being played for a fool, here are some signs I dug up to tell that she might just be using you.

1. Poker dot game

Ever wonder why she ignores you or pushes you away every time? You may find yourself falling more madly in love with her. On the other hand, she’s probably interested in a few other guys or sleeping with them, just to work out her options. When a girl claims to love a guy, and yet avoids the guy completely for a few days every now and then, there’s a good chance there’s another guy in her life and she’s using you to fill the empty space. I call this the poke dot face game.

2. You’re Her Flunky

It’s not enough that she drives your attention around in her poker dote game, but sometimes she sends you out to run her errands. "If a woman send's you on an errand chances are she doesn't respect you and doesn't see you as a potential love interest.
Get it through your head that you’re not her boyfriend, you’re her errand boy; and any hopes you had of becoming her boyfriend went out the window along with your dignity. She’s not going to officially date you because she doesn’t respect you. Some women don’t like a guy who does whatever she says or who she can walk all over. What you see as kindness, she may view as weakness. It’s sad but true. There’s nothing wrong with being a good friend, if that’s all you want to be. But if you want more, and she’s not giving it to you, despite all of your good intentions.

3. You Are Her “Go-To” Date



If you find that she only wants to go OUT – to the movies, a concert or to her favorite restaurant, chances are she just wants to get out of the house and you are her “go-to” date. Every time she calls, you’re always available…probably because you sit around waiting for your phone to ring. She knows this, and she also knows that you will do anything to be in her presence.

If she’s always busy when you invite her to your crib or you’ve never seen the inside of her place, then she probably doesn’t want to be anywhere where something could jump off…and she’d have to turn you down. Just once or twice, be busy when she calls or tell her “no” to an outside date and see how she reacts. If she’s bent out of shape or stops calling, then you’ll know she’s probably not that into you.

4. Cooperate / Social ladder
Are you someone famous, in a band, or a sports team? Are any of your friends any of the above? If you find your girlfriend is more interested in what you do, the people you hang with, the events you get invited to or the networks you hang with, then it’s obvious she’s in it for all the wrong reasons. A good way to test it is to cancel all events for a month and just stay at home on the couch. If she’s still hanging around after that then she might be the real deal. Or she might just be another Jennifer Lopez and you. A sorry ass Puff daddy, or is it P piddy now ?
.

5. You Pay Her Bills
It’s one thing to pay for dates, but it’s another thing to pay her rent, do her shopping and other inbetweens. There’s nothing wrong with helping out a friend in need, or LOANING someone some money until they get on their feet. But unless you are her MAN, and you KNOW this, then there is no way you should be paying for anything that’s in her name. Men and women use each other all the time for different things, but you’re a straight up sucka if she hands you a utility bill and you actually pay it…regularly. And don’t try taking her to court when she drops you for some other fool and you’re out a couple thousands of shillings short. She’ll claim it was a “gift” and you’ll never get your money back. Trust me, it's a forgone case. Save yourself from having to learn an expensive lesson.




6. You’re Mr. Fix It


You’ve let it be known that you’re pretty handy when it comes to fixing things, so she invites you over one Saturday afternoon to “help” her paint her house, repair one or two things. From thence you might become her cook next. You may think you're earning some cool points but i hate to burst your bubble. You're dead WRONG! All she’s going to do is find a way to be busy “doing something else” while you waste your own time, and when you’re done, she’ll suddenly need a ride to Home Depo or Uchumi to pick up some things for the next project you’ll be paying for. So you drive her there, pay for all the extra stuff and fix her leaky faucet. She doesn’t even offer to feed you. She rushes you out of her house before you can say ginger breadman, because she’s “tired” and says she needs some space (has a date with someone else). You, my friend, have been had.

7. You’re Her Confidante
So by now, you realize that you’re in the” friend zone”, but you don’t care. You think you still have a chance to woo her, so you continue to be her shoulder to cry on hoping that one day she’ll come to her senses and realize what a wonderful, caring, compassionate man you are. So you endure endless hours of her late night calls crying to you about the jerk who broke her heart (again). You encourage her complaints about all the no-good men out there and remind her that if she were your woman, you’d never hurt her and treat her like the queen that she is. Little do you know, she’s a glutton for punishment, only likes “bad boys” and thinks nice guys like you are weak and pathetic. Dude, run…or else she’ll just continue to use you up and walk all over you. You’re wasting your time if you think she’ll change her mind about you – and if she finally ever does, it’ll be too late…because you will have found a woman who appreciates you.



8.Never asks you to meet her friends or family
If you have been together for a while and you’ve still not had the opportunity to meet her family nor have you spent much time with her friends, then there’s a good chance she’s not really seeing you as someone who will play an important role in her future plans. If a girl is genuinely interested in you, chances are she’ll want to show you off to everyone close to her right from the outset. If this doesn’t happen, you’re no doubt being played.


9.You’re Her Sex Tool
Now, this might not be a problem for most men, but if you are genuinely interested in having a real relationship, getting married and having kids one day, then you might want to find a woman who wants you for more than sex. Believe it or not, there are women out there, like men, who have jump-offs who they will never be seen out in public with. The sex might be earth shattering, but trust me if she find some that can provide the earth quake and "Sky fall" at the same time, sorry man. But you will be tuned to the history channel. She really wasn't in a relationship. She never wanted one with YOU. It was just about the Sex. Maybe you’re too short, don’t have a job, have multiple children with multiple women, have some teeth missing…who knows. Either way, she doesn’t want her girlfriends to know about you, so you become her dirty little secret and she calls you after midnight to come by and crack her back. Now, again…some, if not most, men would be fine with this arrangement. But if you’ve somehow got feelings for this kind of chick, then it’s best you leave now before your heart gets broken into a million little pieces once she finds a guy she can actually be seen in daylight with. And can provide the services you're all up on. Congratulations. you are just another "Booty Call"

10. Facebook status

If for whatever reason her status still says "single" (either on Facebook, my space or in the real time), she's not really into you or ready for an emotional commitment.  She's not girlfriend material- she's just using you to get her groove on.  And that's not worth settling for. Style up. give yourself a head start and move on before you get moved on.